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07 March 2009 @ 07:59 pm
Prompts Two and Three  
Title: Tactical Failure
Fandom: Criminal Minds
Characters: Reid, Morgan, Rossi
Genre: Crack!fic
Prompts: "I'm not showing those guys any more mercy"/"You're unconscious.", UR MOMS FACE

Spencer Reid looked over at Derek Morgan.  They were staked out in front of the unsub's house, about to go in and catch the man,  who had been responsible for spamming their computers with lolcats.  The unsub's name was David Rossi.

"You take that side," Reid said to Morgan, looking significantly at the window.  "You're better with heights."

Morgan glared.  "You're the one who's six foot tall," he hissed.  Unfortunately for him, they had little time to deliberate.  From what they knew of his habits, the unsub was about to receive a pizza from his local takeout place.  Reid motioned Morgan to go faster, then positioned himself on the doorway.  They only had one chance for this.

"We know you're in there, Rossi," he yelled, then kicked the door open and ran in.  The unsub was singularly unperturbed, merely looking up from his computer to see Reid then looking back down at what appeared to be an adorable kitten glaring, with a caption that read "UR MOMS FACE".  Reid cooed involuntarily.

"Can I help you, Dr. Reid?" Rossi said, turning around slowly.

"Uh, yes," said Dr. Reid.  "Can you stop sending us all lolcats at work?  They make it kind of hard to concentrate."

"I guess so," said Rossi.  "But they are adorable, right?"

Reid grimaced.  "A little too adorable.  I don't think I ever want to see that look on Emily's face again.  It was so...soppy."

Rossi twitched.  "I think you're right," he said, and closed the window with the kitten in it.  That was precisely when they heard a loud crash upstairs.  Rossi raised his eyebrows.

"It's Morgan," Reid said.  "We weren't sure you would give up peacefully."

"Ah," said Rossi.  "A decent tactical move.  We can practice that later."

Reid smiled and thanked him, then ran upstairs to make sure Morgan was all right.

Morgan was not, in fact, all right.  "Goddammit, Reid," he was muttering.  "I keep trying to tell you we don't need to use the window, but you never listen."  He was curled up on the floor, clutching his elbow and whimpering.  Reid ran up.

"Did you break something?" he gasped.

Morgan glared.  "Just my dignity, pretty boy," he hissed.  "I banged my elbow on the stupid hall table when I got in and the vase fell on me."  Reid regarded the vase.  He really hoped that wasn't valuable.  On the other hand, David Rossi did not seem like the type of man to hold a vase against them.  Unless he did, in which case they should run.  Or trick their way out.

Reid ran back downstairs.  "Morgan's unconscious," he gasped to Rossi.  "Can you help me get him to the car, I think we should take him home."

Rossi raised his eyebrows.  "Wouldn't Morgan be better off just staying here until he wakes up?"  Still he followed Reid upstairs, to where Morgan was lying insensate next to his mother's favorite vase, a wedding present to wife number two.  Oh well.  He'd never liked it much anyway. 

Morgan didn't move. 

"Okay," Rossi said, "let's get him up."  He pulled Morgan up as far as he could, but the dead weight of such a large man proved too much for him and he dropped him again.  Morgan groaned.

"I'm not showing this guy any more mercy," he muttered.

"Uh, you're unconscious," hissed Dr. Reid. 

"Seriously boys," Rossi said, rolling his eyes at the blatantly bad acting.  "If you wanted in on pizza night, all you had to do was ask."

Reid gave Morgan a sheepish look.  "Oops?"

Current Mood: amusedamused